Like A Masochist in Newport...

I'm Rhode Island Bound!

Ok so I stole that line from Family Guy but whatever. I'm still going to Rhode Island as of 12:00 today. Heck yeah! Catch ya when I'm back.

Dear Warner Bros.

Are you trying to ruin my life? I'm not saying that I'm so egotistical that I would believe that you read my previous post about having very little to look forward to in the way of movie releases until November when Harry Potter comes out and that you would move a movie premier simply to screw with my life but uhh....it feels like ya did! I'm so incredibly disappointed right now. I am a very sad and lame person, which I openly admit, and I have very little to look forward to in my life when you stop to think about it, and this movie was one of those few things I had to look foward to. I mean, I understand that you guys have pretty much nothing to release next summer because of the writer's strike, but that whole strike thing was kind of your fault so why are you punishing fans for your mistakes? I get it, your fiscal 2009 is going to look as sad and pathetic as my life when compared to the million billion trillion dollars that The Dark Knight brought you, but that's not our fault. That's your fault for not making more awesome movies and keeping your writers happy. So, I'm pissed that you took my Harry Potter away from me. I'm more pissed that you took away my plans for my 10 year anniversary date, which was going to be dinner and Harry Potter. I don't think you realized that some (lame) people plan their whole autumn around this. And then, on top of it, you leave a release slot open for fucking Twilight to slip into? You are on notice for that one.

And then, to add insult to injury, you don't even warn Entertainment Weekly that you're changing the date in time for them to pull this cover:


So I'm taunted by the memory of the happiness I had planned, and I get to read a nice little article about how awesome the movie is going to be just to wait nearly an entire year to see it. You bastards.

Warner Bros. = Dead to me

The Desk Is Old And Moldy

So our office is currently going through this process of moving people into different cubicles to consolidate teams and get people who work together closer to one another so they can collaborate more easily. Well, today was day two of the moves and one of the buyers who sits near me started clearing her things out of her cubicle and her desk. Everything was fine until she went to move her computer. Underneath the computer was a copius layer of black mold. Like, makes you sick, awful, potentially deadly black mold. SO FRIGGIN GROSS!! It was all over her desk and the bottom of her computer, and when it was unearthed, it released a smell that I'd never care to experience again. Suddenly things snapped into place a bit. She's been sick for three or four months straight, and it's seriously everything you would get if you were exposed to black mold, except for the bleeding lungs and death. But you know, the rest of it. And, the guy who sits on the other side of her was having problems too. OH MY FRIGGIN GOD! We've all been working with a toxic substance and didn't even know it. ACK!

Makes me wonder if the plague that hit the office last winter was somehow related. You never know....

Dear Stephenie Meyer...

Are you f*cking kidding me?! Ok, now I had my reservations about your series at the beginning, but I was willing to put that aside for the sake of frivolity and mindless entertainment. I picked up the series to see what all of the hype was about, and because if I'm going to teach high school I should at least have some clue about what high schoolers are reading. So, I started the first book with trepidation and continued because I wanted to know where it was going. From the beginning, I was willing to overlook the fact that you set feminism back by about 100 years, I as willing to overlook (though, not forgive) the fact that you gave teenage girls a doormat as their role model. I looked past this because I spend my year reading super heady literature for class and I wanted something that didn't tax my brain. I was even willing to ignore the fact that you created an entirely unrealistic vision of love for teenage girls to aspire to, where there are no real arguments and no real problems between the couple, and the man is willing to give his true love whatever she wants simply because he loves her. I was willing to look past all of that because I was having so much fun ridiculing the writing and the utter lack of plot. But now, my dear, the gloves are coming off. I was with you when you had a wedding for an 18 year old, because I know you're a Mormon and that's not so uncommon in your faith, but when you brought a fucking half vampire demon baby into the picture, I was officially done. Sure, I kept trudging through your epic length novel full of awkwardness and umm....COMPLETELY inappropriate love relationships between adults and infants (I don't care if it's "protective" or "brotherly" at that point, it's still creepy as shit) but it was just that. Trudging. I've been sitting here looking at the last 100 pages I have to go before I'm finished with this crap, and I'm still trying to force myself to finish it. Now, I get that all of this was a means to the plotless end you had set up in your head, but seriously, EPIC FAIL my friend. Sure, you want to progress your series, though I'm not sure what you were trying to progress it to, but once you got to forcibly eating a baby out of a uterus I was so far from being on the bandwagon that I couldn't even see it anymore. That was just unnecessary, and disturbing. If you make that shit into a movie, the R rating is really going to put a dent in your fan base. I was seriously grossed out, simply because it takes one twisted friggin' mind to come up with that kind of stuff. I sort of wonder what the heck was going on in your repressed little mind. Honestly though, I forgave a LOT of flaws, and allowed myself to be more selfish in my desire to tax my brain with nothing more than ridiculous teenage angst and unrealistic relationships that in no way resemble true love, but I don't think I have any forgiveness left. Now I'm just even more irritated by all of the things I overlooked in the earlier books. Now I just find it absolutely infuriating that you set up such an awful role model and an awful representation of love and relationships. Now, you just sort of piss me off.

I will not say that I didn't get something out of these books, because that was untrue. I got an amazing example of what is not good writing, and I really got a laugh out of everything. I have had more fun ridiculing the lack of plot, and the bizzarre twists you've taken on your twisted road to a "happy ending" than I've had in a very long time. I will never stop finding it depressing that this is what pre-teens and teenagers now aspire to, and that there are now t-shirts that say "Looking for an Edward" or something like that. I find those sad, and very wrong. I don't think anyone should look for a man who says they love them, then hurts them, then abandons them, then returns to reclaim them as if they're property, then insists on a marriage the woman doesn't necessarily want, then spends all of his time consumed by emo anguish that is both unwarranted and unnecessary. That is not the perfect man, no matter what anyone else may say. So, I am sad that even adult women (who I will have to assume are really unhappy in their marriages) are falling in love with this ficticious man who is....well....kind of a tool. So, as much joy as it has given me to examine how sad and funny these books really are ("I'll sing all night if it will keep the nightmares away", are you kidding me right now?!) I still find them poor approximations of real writing that has a plot and characters that are actually believeable and realistic to identify with.

So, I think I'll stick to my Harry Potter and let Twilight fade into the dark. And, no matter how arrogant you may be that you believe you are now the next JK Rowling, I'd like to just say, you're not. Not even close. Keep trying.

Oh, and learn to spell your name properly. I'm just sayin'...

A picture is Worth 1000 Words

And it's a good thing too, because I don't really have many words today, so I'm just posting pictures.

Jason and I on the boat to Martha's Vineyard

Me and Jason on the bus into NYC, going to meet JK Rowling.

Do you see how fat this guy is?!  There are infants that weigh less than this cat!

Fluffy is a vicious vampire kitty!

Norbert will kill you for this.

Sam doesn't like the camera

Errol doesn't enjoy it when you wake him up.

A Few Of My Favorite Things

I'm in a class about using technology in the classroom right now, and because of this class I have to use a bunch of technology that I already know how to use, but this class has given me the opportunity to play with different things.  Since becoming an exclusive Mac user a year or so ago, I've fallen in love with a lot of the programs that Apple includes in their standard iLife package, and then some internet programs too.

First up is iMovie, which lets you make photo slideshows that you can publish for web streaming, Quicktime download or burn to a DVD.  Windows has a similar program called Movie Maker, but it's not quite as user-friendly as iMovie.  With Movie Maker, you have to upload every photo and then individually set all of the titles and transitions.  iMovie gives you this really neat set of templates for you to use throughout the process of building your movie, and they're pretty top notch.  You can open your movie with a template that looks like scrolling through scrapbook pages, or several travel templates that show things like passport stamps on the background behind your photos, and you can set the whole thing to music, which is fabulous.  It's a snap to use and I love it.

Here's an example of the video I made with iMovie for our first anniversary.  (It might be slightly distorted since it had to be compressed for web streaming)

Next up is iPhoto, which ties directly to the iMovie and the next thing on my list of favorite things.  iPhoto lets you organize your photos in one convenient and easy to use location.  It offers very basic editing tools, but if you're really looking to edit you might want to download another program.  It's nice to be able to store and organize your photos in one spot and it's such a breeze to download your new photos because the program automatically detects your camera and starts the upload process on its own.  It's like a lazy person's dream!  Plus, any programs you use that may use photos (i.e. iMovie) read your iPhoto library and automatically make those images available.  In Windows, you usually have to upload each individual photo to the program you're using.  This is such a time saver.

And last on my current list of amazing programs is the internet based program called Blurb.  This program allows you to make beautiful hardcover bound books of photos.  Imagine a National Geographic style coffee table book full of your own pictures printed on high quality glossy paper.  That's what you get.  After using this, I will never scrapbook again.  These are so much more durable and turn out so nicely that there's no reason to deal with the hassle of time consuming scrapbooking, or investing in expensive scrapbooking materials.  I've made these books for my friend Kara's new baby, for the parents of my godchildren with photos of the girls growing up, and for my friend Sara's wedding.  You have free reign with the layout of the book, for the most part.  You have to work within their templates, but it's really easy to adjust.  You can add quotes, photos, stories or whatever you feel like adding to make the book personal to you.  I will caution that you get much better results when you use digital images as opposed to scanned ones, but aside from that, I swear by this program.  The books are so much cheaper than making them with Apple's software (Blurb charges by page groupings, so you'll pay about $40 for 40 to 80 pages, and you can cram as many photos into those pages as you want) and they're pretty good quality so they're something you could really be proud of.  Plus, if you use a Mac, the program automatically uploads your photos from iPhoto and marks which ones you've already used so you don't duplicate photos.  I can't say enough great stuff about this site.  If you're interested, check them out at www.blurb.com

Why So Serious?

After waiting all summer for the release of The Dark Knight, I was rewarded on Friday afternoon at 4:30 p.m. I got into a theater that held over 300 people, and there were only about 50 or 60 people total in the theater. That meant lots of empty space and no stupid people right next to me or in front of me to talk through the whole movie. Score! Unfortunately, this viewing marked the official retirement of my Christmas gift supply of gift cards. Those things went a long way though, so I can't complain.

So, did I love the movie? I think so. I want to say yes, but I don't think I can make a sound judgement based on just one viewing. There was just so much going on in the film that I think I'd be foolish to assume I absorbed everything. It did blow me away though, because the script was fairly tight and well written, the action sequences were shockingly real, the whole film was dark and gritty, and the villain was well...he was as unsettling and unhinged as anyone could hope for. The hype about Heath Ledger's performance was not unfounded, but I have to say that I can't call it Oscar-worthy. It was good, no doubt, but it wasn't the sort of performance people usually get Oscars for. I think that if he does get one, it'll only be because he's dead. If he were alive and kicking, he'd still be commended, but there would be no Oscar buzz. Let's face it, action movies NEVER get Oscar nominations, unless it's for technical categories like effects or make-up.

I have to say that I would have liked the movie a lot more if it were about 20 minutes shorter. This isn't because I have a problem with the length, but because the sub-plot with Harvey Dent should have ended long before it did. If they had cut it right after Commissioner Gordon visits him in the hospital (before they show his face) and left it hanging, they could have developed an entire movie with Two Face as a villain. I think I would have preferred that. They should have left well enough alone with the Joker being the only madman in the film. Plus, I think it's going to be hard to find a villain for another movie if they choose to do one. There aren't many Batman villains who can hold up enough evil to sustain an entire film. So, they may have backed themselves into a corner there.

So, I think I loved the movie, and I'll be sure about it once I go again. I'm going to see it in IMAX so I can be sure to get the sense that I'm immersed in the film, and then I'll be able to pick up on everything I didn't get the first time through. But, it was good. It was really good.