Call me Ted Kaczynski

I had to write a manifesto for my avant garde lit class, so this is what I wrote. There's something lost in the whole blogging process, because there are tons of different fonts and sizes and the layout is all crazy in the one I actually put together to hand in, but you'll get the general idea.

We do not reform
We replicate
$7,000 a year to educate a person
$30,000 a year to punish them when the $7,000 education wasn’t adequate
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
How backwards is that?
?haht si sdrawkcab woH
Cut the arts
Cut yourself
Resign to a drab gray concrete existence
Without imagination there is no discovery
Without art there is no imagination
Silence the music
Hack off your arm
The play is the thing
until
Its legs are chopped off
And there is no longer a reason to break them
Create a world with no hope
Then be surprised when we are left with indifference
We create prisoners and feign shock when the prisons overflow
Spend $1 to teach and $100 to punish
The system is down
Kill the system
Fall so far behind that you think you’re ahead
No child is left behind
[When they all are]
Lock them up to begin with
It saves time
Time is money
The rich become immortal
The poor wink out in an instant
Turn a blind eye
It doesn’t see beauty anymore anyway
That was cut out with the last budget
Fuck your budget
[From now on, all books will be written in mathematical equations. Shakespeare will now be known as 2x+y=17. Please solve for the meaning of Shakespeare.]
Only scientific discovery will merit praise
We will no longer hear America singing.
Sorry Walt Whitman
The vocal chords are frozen now.
Move to the future [forget the past]
Make the painter a physicist.
Make the actor an architect.
Make the cellist a chemist.
SACRIFICE YOURSELF
Break a leg.

A New Reason To Avoid Florida

Jason and I find ourselves in an ever-constant quest lately to figure out where we would be willing to live if we were to have to move out of state for jobs. We've nixed most of the South because we're crazy liberals and don't really want to hang around the Bible Belt too much. We've also decided against Arizona and New Mexico because neither of us speaks Spanish, neither of us thinks 106 degree weather sounds appealing, and neither of us are really in love with the idea of having to shake our shoes out every morning to make sure there are no scorpions inside. No thanks. We also said no to Florida. When I tell people this, I often get "WHY? It's so nice down there!". Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Florida as much as the next person, but for visiting, not for living there. It's fine for a vacation spot, and it houses Disney World which everyone knows I love, but it's not somewhere I want to live. Again, people always say "But WHY?". Ok, here's why:
1. Hurricanes
2. No winter, so bugs grow to be the size of Buicks.
3. Hurricanes
4. 'Gators

And now we can add a new item to that list. #5 is now BURMESE PYTHONS!! ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?!

Apparently, during the last hurricane season, a pet shop was blown over and some of the reptiles escaped. Well now they have been breeding at an alarming rate and Florida is now overrun with 30,000 Burmese Pythons. I would post a picture, but I'm HORRIBLY afraid of snakes. No joke. To the point where I can't look at the most recent Buns Eye View post because it's all about how Buns had an encounter with a snake, complete with Buns Eye Pictures. *Side note: Amy, if you're reading this, I'd have FREAKED OUT if Jason brought a snake into the house for the cats to play with. You are a stronger woman than I.* I have an irrational fear of snakes, and in case you were wondering, Burmese Pythons aren't the small Garter Snake variety. They're the giant squeeze you to death and can eat an entire full sized deer variety. WHAT?! HOLY F*CKING ASS CRACKERS! It's making my skin crawl just thinking about it. I can't even handle pictures of snakes, or snakes in the pet store behind glass (they can break out, they're just lulling you into a false sense of security, I know it) let alone walking out of my hotel room to see an 18 foot (yes, they grow to 18 feet long) 200 lb snake slithering across the lawn to scarf the poor bunny who is just minding his own business. *shudder* And these bitches travel like a mile and a half a day sometimes, which means they're going to get bored with munching on all of the Poodles in the retirement communities and start moving North. They like warm weather, which means pretty much anywhere up to Tennessee is their happy playground, and all the way up the coast into Southern Virginia. Yet another reason to rule out the South thankyouverymuch.

And I want to know how the state of Florida plans to round up 30,000 pythons, which they're trying to do, and what the hell they plan to do with them when they do catch some. I guess they've been picking up pythons found in people's yards etc. for a few weeks now, but 30,000? What the hell are they going to do with 30,000 snakes? Make an Indiana Jones movie?

Ugh..pythons.

Going Green

I'm a big fan of the "Green Movement" that is sweeping the country. I really like that people are being more environmentally conscious and thinking about the impact they personally have on the Earth. I love that there are companies out there like Seventh Generation who are making concious effort to create products that are safe for both people and for the planet. That being said, I've never used anything these guys make, primarily because I bought cleaning supplies in bulk at Sam's Club 3 years ago and still haven't managed to go through all of them, and while I love being environmentally conscious, I also don't want to waste stuff by tossing it in the trash when it's still perfectly good. So, I'll probably look into buying some Seventh Generation stuff when my supplies run out because I like their philosophy (and if anyone has used any of their stuff, please tell me how well it works!). Jason and I aren't exactly hippies about our environmental activism.  We aren't the "shower once a week, eat only what you can grow" type, but we do what we can.  We use energy efficient light bulbs, we recycle, we have energy star appliances, we carpool to work and school whenever possible.  We would compost our waste, but we're not really in a situation where we can do that at the moment.  We would also grow veggies in the back yard over the summer if we had the ability to do that.  Those are goals for when we live in our own house...some day.  But, my point is that we try.  No, neither of us has gone to buying all organic and earth friendly products, because some don't work as well as the ones that ruin the earth and that's sad but true.  We also haven't gone to mowing the lawn with one of those motorless push mowers.  

My point in all of this, is that I get so annoyed by the people who have suddenly started using their "going green" as a status symbol.  Like, "I'm so much greener than you!" as if we're in some sort of competition.  I thought we were all in this for the greater good, to help clean up the messes we've made in the past, not to compete for who can be "greener" than their friends.  I think that's really just missing the point.  Ok, so I don't use recycled toilet paper, because it's one-ply which means you're just going to use more of it in the long run anyway, so that's not helping much, but you do so that makes you somehow more elevated in conservation status?  Why do people even care about this?  Isn't it enough to just do your part and improve what you can in whatever ways possible?  Maybe everyone isn't able to afford eco-friendly household products or organic produce, because unfortunately those things are still at a premium price, but they change out all of their light bulbs and carpool.  Isn't that something to be commended?  I think it's about helping where you can.

Oh, and someone recently pointed out that they order most of their eco-friendly products from Amazon.com, and that left me scratching my head.  These products are shipped to grocery stores and drug stores all over the country in large quantities, which means that by shipping in bulk, he carbon footprint of the shipping is reduced.  Then you can take your small, hopefully, fuel efficient car to the store and pick up the eco-friendly products.  But, instead, for the sake of convenience, fleets of these guys...

...are going out to your house, each one using up a ton of fuel to bring your small packages to you and leave them on your doorstep so you don't have to be bothered to go out anywhere?  That seems more damaging than not using the recycled toilet paper the truck is bringing to your house. 

That makes no sense.

But hey, what do I know?  You're probably greener than me.

Meet Grover

This is Grover. Ok, not really, it's a picture of someone else's car that I found online that happens to look exactly like my car, so for the sake of this blog, that is Grover. Grover is my car. I got him about 2 months after Jason and I got married, after the two of us got fed up with my other car breaking all of the time. Grover is my first NEW car, as in new and never owned before. I've had several new to me cars, and none of those worked out so well. My green Dodge Neon was horrible and broke every 10 minutes. The head gasket blew 3 days after I got it, the radio completely died in it, the gas gauge didn't work, the gas tank had a hole in the top so that, while it was not leaking gas, it was taking in mud that was constantly clogging the fuel filters. The calipers locked up on it a million times and the brakes went out every 2 or 3 months because the calipers kept locking up. I did not love that car. Then I spent a while driving around in the Intrepid that my parents bought for my sister but she decided she didn't want, so they bought her a Cavalier and when the Neon crapped out for the millionth time, they let me drive the Intrepid. That one was nice, because it smelled like smoke from the previous owner being a smoker, and then my mom driving it around and smoking in it. It was the size of a bus, it didn't manuver very well, it was dirty inside beyond the point of being able to clean it, in the winter you had to start it and let it run for about 15 minutes before you could drive it if you wanted to avoid it stalling on you the minute you made it to the end of the street, the repairs it needed were actually going to cost more than the car was worth at one point, and it was kind of a hoopdie. So, needless to say, when Jason told me he had crunched some numbers and we were able to afford a new car, I did the most enthusiastic happy dance EVER.

I got Grover because I like the way the Vibe looks, I love having a hatch back and the seats lay down so that you can haul stuff (which has come in handy like you wouldn't believe), it gets awesome gas mileage, and it's super roomy. I am going to drive this car until the wheels fall off. I'm in love with it. I have never been so happy with a car in my life! And, now Grover is completely and totally mine. That's right, no more loan on it. Through some pretty crafty saving, Jason and I have managed to put together enough money to pay off the car loan 16 months early. Heck yeah! I'm sure GM is going to be VERY sad to lose my interest payments for the next 16 months, but life is full of disappointments and I'm sure they'll get over it. So now, Grover belongs entirely to me. I think that as a reward for paying him off early, I'm going to have the car detailed when the weather breaks and I don't have to worry about dragging salt into it anymore. Then he will be pretty and shiney and smell all fresh and clean. HOORAY!

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I named the car Grover because he's blue and also because he takes me Neeeeeeaaaarrrrr and Faaaaaaaaarrrrr. Yes, I know I'm lame.

Things I Love and Things I Hate

I've been thinking about stuff lately that I absolutely love, and then also things that drive me batty and I seriously hate. So, because it's in my head, that means it gets to be shared with you. Here we go!

Things I hate:

The terms "Wifey" and "Hubby". Not only does referring to your spouse as your "hubby" or "wifey" conjure up images like the one to the left here, it also sounds completely demeaning. Why do we feel the need to cutesify (it's a word if I say it's a word!) everything? How lazy have we become that the words "husband" and "wife" are too cumbersome to put into regular speech? I also feel like constantly referring to your spouse as your "wifey" or "hubby" to friends who know that person, and who know that the person has an actual name is sort of taking away the person's actual identity and replacing it with one of possession. I know that's not how it's intended, but it's kind of how it sounds. Like, if I'm talking to friends and I am referring to Jason I just call him Jason. I don't say "my husband" as in "I'd love to have more time to spend with my husband". Nope, I just say "I'd love to have more time to spend with Jason" because he is my spouse, yes, but that is not the entirety of who he is and he does have an identity outside of me so why should I define him by the fact that we're married? Sure, if I'm talking to someone who doesn't know Jason, I refer to him as my husband, because if I just dropped the name into the conversation, that person might get confused, but in general, he's Jason. And, in general when he talks about me I'm Becky, not "his wife". Sometimes I think people who drop words like "wifey" and "hubby" into conversations are just trying to emphasize the fact that they have a spouse, which I think is silly.

I also hate Wall Street. Not the actual street, of course, because I'm sure the concrete never did anything to me, but the actual stock market pisses me off. There is no rhyme or reason to what happens with it, and people hear "The economy is bad" so they sell their stock and make the economy worse. Fabulous! Thank you so much investment banker man! I just think that if we weren't so worked up over how bad things are, they would stop being bad. People hear that money is tight, so they don't spend because they're afraid they'll lose their jobs, but because we're a nation of service industries and manufacture very little on our own soil, the minute people stop spending, they lose their jobs. So, by not spending because you're afraid you'll lose your job, you then cause companies to lose money and uhh....you lose your job. Maybe what everyone should do is chill the hell out and go about their lives as normal for a few weeks and see where that gets us. I also say we should ignore Wall Street because those jackasses are the people who got us into this mess in the first place, so why on Earth are we listening to them about anything? They just want to make a buck so they can go on their elaborate vacations and own six houses.

Now, for some things that I love!
Whole Foods. Yes folks, I LOVE Whole Foods. For someone who doesn't generally enjoy cooking or eating, it's weird for me to seriously love a grocery store, but I do. In my area there are tons of shopping choices, the most popular of which is probably Meijer, whose runner up would be Kroger. I don't shop at Meijer anymore, because half of the time we'd end up getting produce that was on the verge of going bad, and for the longest time they didn't carry any humanely raised chicken, and also whenever we went there it was like Ghetto Fabulous day and Jason and I decided we had seen far too many g-strings peeking out of the tops of too many pairs of too-tight jeans on overweight girls. Plus, they put a Kroger in around the corner from our house. So, we spent a lot of time shopping there. But here's the thing, I would go shopping at Kroger and buy food and I was never excited to go home and actually cook any of it. When Jason gave up red meat a year ago, he started worrying about buying caged chicken due to the abuse, so we went to Whole Foods where they carry both barn roaming chicken, which is antibiotic free, and free range chicken. Score! Then we started going there for just about everything, because we did the math and we weren't really spending that much more per week to buy our produce and stuff from them, and in some cases they had things priced better than Kroger (Rice, for example). So, now we go to Whole Foods every Sunday with our eco-friendly tote, our yuppie grocery list and we buy tons of things that are fresh and always really delicious (produce was still iffy at Kroger, we've never had a bad experience with produce from Whole Foods) and I line it all up on the conveyer belt and get seriously excited to go home and cook. That feeling is soooo worth the extra $6 every week.

I also love when people get my obscure literary (or not so literary) references. Last week I was walking through a row of cubicles at work stirring my tea on my way back to my desk and one of my co-workers stopped at the end of the row and watched me for a second, which made me stand still and say "What?" and he said "I don't know, you just looked kind of ghostly, like all you needed was some crazy hair and a white dress" and I said "That's funny. How very Miss Havisham of me" and he didn't get it, but another co-worker did and started laughing. I love when that happens! It makes me feel like I'm in some weird epsiode of Gilmore Girls or something (Have I mentioned I LOVE Gilmore Girls?) and I think it's awesome. I made another comment a couple of weeks ago at work when someone said that I talk a lot and I said "That's how people communicate" and she said "Well there is non-verbal communication" and I said "Who do I look like? Marcel Marceau?" and she got that reference. See, you can be smart and still relatively entertaining. YAY!

So there we go, an update that has something interesting or entertaining, or at least a little bit ranty for you. Enjoy folks!

I Am Not Yet Dead

In case you were wondering. Nope. Still here. Just haven't really had anything interesting to blog about lately. I've been going through this phase where I have been frustrated with uhh....everything in the world and when that happens I kind of shut myself off. I don't want to talk to people about the state of the world, I don't want to update on what's going on in my life when it's just frustrating stuff, and I don't want to make small talk. So, that meant no blogging. But hey, you can't be frustrated all the time so here I am, making an update.

On the happy note, I didn't get "shitcanned" (Jason's phrase) last week when they laid 136 people off in my office. Jason didn't either. That was pretty exciting, since we'd have been screwed if we had been let go, but we weren't. Unfortunately Jason's boss, who he really liked, was let go and now he's been assigned under a new boss and it's looking like he's going to start hating his job pretty quickly because he's going from being useful to being the department's event coordinator and secretary for his new boss. That makes me kind of sad, since the last time he hated his job (what, Discovery Channel store?) life was pretty difficult. He always came home angry or unhappy and we fought a lot for no real reason. So, I'm not looking forward to him not liking this job because we could be going back down that road. He only has to stick it out until December though, so hopefully it won't all become too much for him. As for me, I'm still under the same boss, still doing the same job and might even have the opportunity to stay on for a few hours a week after I start student teaching so that I can get some work done that the team won't be able to do if they're not able to fill my position. That would be nice, because then I could come in on the weekends or in the evenings and just do a few hours of work and still make some cash. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that to work out.

Uhh.....Spring break this week, which is a stupid name because it feels nothing like spring outside, but we have a break and that's pretty nice. Too bad it's only a week, and too bad I still have to go to work during break. Could be worse though.

Watched the Oscars, loved Hugh Jackman. That was good. Trying not to be frustrated with certain people in my life, which I may very well be failing miserably at, but I'm still trying. We'll see how that goes. Gotta make it until at least next April without making Jason want to kill me, so I'm trying to be sunshine and happiness. That's harder than it sounds. Never thought I'd spend the first 4 years of my marriage living with another person who neither of us want to live with. *sigh* But hey, if we make it through this, we can make it through anything. Other people have been pissing me off too, but it's easier to ignore them. I've been ignoring people a lot, because it's easier than telling them I'm frustrated and feeling like they don't really care. Why waste the time right? Right. Besides, I've been accused of being "high pressure" in the past and wouldn't want someone else to think that.

Wow.....this was kind of all over the place. But it's here. And so am I. Hopefully I'll think of something funny in the next few days and post it.

Time for Another Good Idea, Bad Idea

Good Idea:Going with your super awesome drama kids to their theater festival in Bay City which has been named "Love Fest" because any school can attend and it's for departments to be able to display their love of theater through performance of various one act plays. Jason and I had never gone with the kids to this event, mostly because we usually have Saturday classes, but this semester we had no Saturday classes so we decided to chaperone. It was fabulous to see the kids having fun the entire time they were there. They get to mingle with other schools and they have a lot of fun.....some of them have too much fun and have to be detached at the tonsils from whatever girl or boy from another school has attracted their attention, but over all there are not usually any major problems. The kids were pretty well behaved and they performed really well despite some technical problems, so I was pretty happy with the weekend.



Bad Idea:

Accidentally locking your most cuddly and chubby cat in your bedroom the morning that you leave for the weekend trip to Bay City. I'm not entirely sure how he got into the room. We usually close the door behind us whenever we enter or exit the bedroom, but for a 20 lb. ball of lard, he's pretty wiley. He managed to slip into the room without us noticing and I guess he must have gone straight under the bed, because we never saw him. Now, there is no litter box in my bedroom, and he wasn't discovered as being trapped until Jason's mom heard him meowing sometime on Saturday. We left at 7:40 a.m. on Friday, so that's a long time to go without a potty. So, what did my ever-resourceful kitty do? He made himself a potty.....on my bed. Yeah. We came home and didn't know he'd been locked in the room until Jason's mom mentioned it around 10, but at that time we hadn't noticed anything in the bedroom so we thought he had been able to hold it. Guess not. Jason crawled into bed around 11:00 and was like "It smells like cat pee!" because chubbs had apparently made quite a puddle in our mattress that had dried over the course of the weekend. That was....fun. Except that it was no fun at all. So, at 11:10 at night, I'm soaking my mattress in Nature's Miracle (this stuff is a lifesaver) and trying to figure out how we're going to sleep on the soaked mattress, washing the comforter and sheets and trying to evacuate the smell from my room. And here's the thing, it's not like this is the first time a pet has peed in my bed. No, it's happened 3 times!!! First time was Sam sitting on our bed and peeing the night before we went on vacation....WHILE WE WERE IN IT! He has separation anxiety problems. He's an idiot. Second time was Jason's sister's cat, Pig, running into our room while we were getting ready for work one morning, sitting on the bed and just peeing. No, I have no idea why. So, what I want to know is, what is it about my bed that makes it so appealing to pee in?

Those pets are lucky I love them, or I'd kill them.