Friday, January 15, 2010

Trying not to be discouraged

As all 2 people who follow this blog know, I had to leave my job at my beloved Borders back in September to do my student teaching. This left me in a pretty tense situation, since Jason would be leaving his (much higher paying) job at Borders in January to do his student teaching, which meant that I absolutely HAD to find a job before that happened. I don't think this would have been a problem except that....yeah, we live in Michigan. So, I sent out resumes. TONS of resumes. I got ONE phone call. Seriously, one. I have tons of work experience, I have a degree, I have background in a corporate setting and I can't even get a job as a receptionist. This makes me very sad. The one job that called me back was with a really good company, but it was also for a 6 month contract position that paid a whopping $12 an hour. :-/ That's way less than I made at Borders, and being temporary means no benefits, which is a problem with Jason losing his job and therefore our healthcare. So, of course, I took the job. It was the ONLY one that called me back for goodness sakes! I had to!

But it's in accounting. I hate accounting. I hated accounting when I worked in Accounts Payable at Borders. I hate it more now, because this is Accounts Receivable, so I'm a bill collector. Yeah, that'll make you feel like scum after about 2 minutes. The other problem is that, often, Accounts Payable and Accounts Receivable attract pretty low caliber people. Not everyone, obviously, because I knew some great people in AR at Borders, but generally speaking we're talking about what Jason might term "bottom feeders". People who are really never going to be capable of doing anything more than this entry level monkey work. That's depressing. I don't have much in common with my co-workers, though, to be honest, most of them haven't been so interested in talking to me or getting to know me at all. I guess that's fine, I don't plan on being here long.

And that's where being discouraged comes in. I'm still sending out resumes. Lots of them. All I'm getting in return is a lot of rejection letters. That's depressing. I'm averaging about 1 or 2 rejection letters a day at the moment. It's hard to keep sending them out and when you keep getting rejected. I know I shouldn't let it discourage me, but....I don't want to be here, and as the weeks pass (admittedly, I've been here less than a month) and I get more rejection letters, I start to feel like this is going to have to be more permanant than I initially thought. That frustrates me, since everyone in my current department is "looking for something else" and most of them have been looking for like 5 years. I don't want to be that person! And I can't teach, at least not at the moment, and possibly never in Michigan, because all of the schools in the area are laying off tons of teachers. So...it's this. I don't like it. I'm trying to be optimistic and keep my best foot forward and stay positive about continuing to send out resumes but...I'm not hopeful. And I gave up working with my drama kids for a job that doesn't pay me enough and gives me no benefits. That eats at me a lot. It shouldn't but...it does. It'd probably be an easier pill to swallow if the job provided me with a bit more security. I dunno. It's just starting to get me down.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Time for an update

So, I've been crap about updating this lately, because my life has become a ball of insanity. In September I started my student teaching, which was fabulous and time consuming and exhausting all at once. That was in addition to buying a house and painting pretty much the whole thing from top to bottom (see previous post), working part time at Borders Express (which is now closing its doors), helping out with Seussical the Musical and a variety of other things. So, suffice it to say I've been busy. Somehow I seemed to get even more busy after my student teaching ended, which makes no sense to me. I think it was being scheduled a ton of mid-shifts at the store that ate up the majority of my day, and then coming home and trying to clean up for the graduation party Jason decided to throw for me. Oh yeah, I graduated btw. With honors.

So, recap of student teaching is that I loved the kids, my cooperating teacher was crazy but in a good way, and I sort of miss being at the school every day. I hated my university coordinator, who gave me a hard time CONSTANTLY because nothing I did was ever good enough for her, so we butted heads a lot. She just has a very different idea about teaching than I do. Sometimes, you have to let kids figure stuff out on their own instead of just telling them exactly what they're supposed to be learning. So, yes. That was rough. But I passed, so that's all that matters. Teaching in the district I was placed in was a different experience for me, since the kids were primarily wealthy, white and privileged. It was very strange to see students who were so sheltered from cultural differences, as well as from the world at large. Some of my 8th graders weren't even allowed to use the internet at all, and the parents weren't happy when we gave internet based homework. It was eye opening, but probably good for me to see.

The whole house thing is going well. Most of it is now painted, except the downstairs bath, but I can live with that. It's finally starting to look and feel like home, which makes me happy. Of course, we made a billion cookies last night so it looks like someone drove through the kitchen with a wrecking ball, but over all, it's been pretty easy to keep clean.

I'm working a 6 month temp job right now for a large global corporation that I will not name in this blog in case there's some conflict of interest clause I haven't read. Not loving it. It's in accounts receiveable and I hated accounting the first time I did it at Borders, so I'm not loving it any more here. I hate being a bill collector. I also hate the schedule and the mandatory overtime and the low pay, but it's what I have to do for now until I find something better. But I'm on the search for something better, for sure. I have potential for something, but I don't want to talk too much about it and jinx it. Let's just say it would probably be better. Like, a lot better. Like pay more than Jason makes better. Oh yeah.

Uhh...Jason starts student teaching in like 2 weeks, which is ca-razy, and means he's leaving his job at Borders which means no more discount. Sad. But, I'm glad he's student teaching, and while money will be tight (like...really tight) I'm hoping it will be worth it in the end. If only some teaching jobs would open in Michigan. That would be great. Old teachers, please retire kthanxbai.

I think that's everything. I'll try to update this more, if possible. We'll see how that goes.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Holy Crap! I have a blog?!

Soo....long time no see huh? I certainly hope I have a good excuse for being gone so long!

Ok, I don't. I mean, I sort of do. I started student teaching in September, which sucked up a bunch of my time because I no longer have the luxury of sitting in front of a computer at work all day being bored and filling my free time with blogging. Student teaching is going well though, the kids are kind of a trip. On any given day they do something crazy that makes me shake my head and wonder if I was just like that when I was in 8th grade. Plus, on top of the whole teaching all day thing, I'm working a few nights a week at the Borders Express store in the mall, which takes more time out of my life. Oh, and I'm working with the drama department, as always, so you might see why my free time might be a bit lacking.

But, probably the most time consuming thing that has caused me to fall off the face of the earth is that we bought a house on the 18th of September and that took a TON of time to get in order before we could move in. We'll officially have been living in the house for two weeks as of tomorrow, so that's fun. Not everything that needs to be done in here has been done, but we're working on things still, just much more slowly. And unpacking isn't totally done yet either, because that takes time too. But, here are some before and after pictures to show our progress, and what a difference paint can make.



This is the front of the house, which will be getting some work done in the spring. The ugly purple-ish limestone is going away, and it might get some new trees planted.

The day we closed on the house, this is what the family room looked like. Very orange, and if you can't quite tell, the ceiling is the same color as the fireplace mantle. They even painted the stupid light switch and outlet covers.
This is the after effect of a lot of paint, new carpet, and the addition of our furniture and artwork. I feel like this is a lot more comfortable and calm looking.
Purple and yellow dining room. VERY purple, and again, the ceiling is hte same yellow as the chair rail and crown molding.
So, I went red and white. We're not using the room as a dining room, we're actually making it into a library, so I feel like the red was not too terribly shocking. And, again, new carpet.
The kitchen stressed me out to no end. It was so "blah" and we couldn't figure out what color to paint it. (Everyone say hi to my dad there in the background of this photo)
The solution was actually...more red! To tie the rooms all together, I painted a lighter brown than the living room, and the same red we had in the "library" so that everything sort of flows. I think this was the best solution to the boring kitchen problem.
White bedroom. Ick. It's a lot of space though, so we had to figure out how to break that up.
The solution was actually a very dark blue accent wall, and the rest of the room is a warm chocolate color. It is actually really cozy. (You can see a peek of the chocolate color in the corner of the photo)

So that's what we've been up to here in Berry-land. We're still working on projects, so maybe I'll update as we get some more things done. Jason's office is the next on my list. It looks like he's trying to make a fort out of boxes right now.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Places Your Kids Shouldn't Go

I'm sure that the mommies out there are going to get pissed off at me about this blog, but that's ok. It's not the first time I'll have been on someone's bad side. I went to a 4:45 showing of the new Transformers movie with Jason and his uncle. We got in after the previews had started due to the slowest concessions line EVER, so we didn't get to sit in the very back like we usually do. We ended up taking a seat near the back of the theater, but because it was dark, we couldn't see who was sitting behind us. Unfortunately, we chose the seats directly in front of two women and the 4 year old kid they brought with them. Joy. I knew we had trouble when the kid sat there talking all the way through the previews without being asked to be quiet. I turned my head a little to see out of the corner of my eye whether his mother was even with him, which she was, and then turned my face back to the screen and immediately heard "That girl just shook her head at us!" exclaimed to the other woman who was with her. Ok, 1) No I didn't and 2) I wouldn't have turned at all if your kid had SHUT THE HELL UP!

So, the movie begins and rugrat behind me decides that the fun thing to do is kick my seat. Again, no one stops him. Then, he's talking. Loudly. He keeps jumping up and saying "Look! Look! Bumblebee!" and after about 5 minutes, when someone (not me) would glare at her, she'd lean over and say "You have to whisper" to her kid. Finally, near the end of the movie, rugrat stops talking (I think he fell asleep) but then his mother would loudly exclaim "WOW!" during the action sequences and I did want to turn around and shove her large diet coke down her throat. Then, after the movie, the lights came up and they left before we did. I turned around to see their trash strewn ALL OVER the seats they were sitting in. Nacho trays, popcorn bags, drink cups, candy packaging, half a hotdog, all left sitting on the floor, seats and armrests. I was appalled. Not only were they rudely loud through the movie, then they were just flat out rude to leave all of that trash lying there. UGH!

So, my point to this is, why do parents think it's ok to let their kids behave like this in a movie theater? If you know your kid can't behave or sit still, DON'T TAKE THEM TO THE MOVIE! Yes, I understand your rugrat really likes the Transformers and really wants to see it, but so does everyone else in the theater and you're ruining their experience. Wait for the freaking DVD and let your kid yak all the way through that in the comfort of your own home. Don't ruin my moviegoing experience, which I paid nearly $10 for, by letting your kid be a monster. If your kid can't be quiet, leave them at home!

Oh, and pick up your trash, because that's just ridiculous.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Quarter Life Crisis....2 years late

This might be one of those rare posts that make readers go "OMG Becky shut up!" but I'm writing it anyway. I finished the very last class of my undergrad work at 9:00 p.m. Monday night. YAY! I still have my student teaching before I can graduate, but the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter. Here's my problem, I'm doing this at age 27. Yeah. A little late don't ya think? I do. I am fully aware that some challenges in my life, and a huge case of the "what do I do with my life?!" bug have contributed to this, but it just seems like I've wasted YEARS. All of my high school classmates are doctors, or lawyers, or successful nurses, teachers etc. and they're all buying houses and having kids and I'm sitting here going "Yeah, that's at least another 2 to 3 years off..." and it's making me feel kind of crappy. I've got some immensely talented friends who are seeing their artistic careers really take off and they're talking about being flown to Martha's Vinyard by music producers, or having their work professionally recorded and I sit here thinking "Yeah.....I placed some orders today". You can see where that might be less exciting.

I just feel like I've wasted my 20's by being indecisive and not having the opportunities that some other people had. It's no one's fault, it's just how things are. But it sucks. I've never been West of the Mississippi, I've never been out of the country except for Canada, which I firmly believe does not count, I've never seen the Grand Canyon, I've never watched the sun rise over the desert, I've never gone snorkling in the ocean, I've never taken a cruise, I've never been to Bermuda. These are things that most people do when they're young in their 20's and have the time and opportunity to do, but I haven't. I hold myself back a lot. Hell, I've never been drunk because I'm such a control freak. I stop at 2 glasses of wine, or one margarita. I never went out for my 21st birthday with friends. I didn't have a bachelorette party. Both of those are actually because no one actually planned anything for me, which I find annoying, but that's another topic for another blog. The rest of it is because I just stop myself from having fun, because I'm afraid that if I let go and have a little less control for a while, people will think less of me. I spend a LOT of time trying to be what other people expect me to be, or think I should be, or what I think I should be myself. *sigh* I'm not the fun friend, I'm the downer. Now I feel like it's starting to be career time, and time to settle down and have kids and do the responsible things that people my age do, which is kind of exactly like what I've been doing since I was 18, except for that whole kids part. But that kids part is big, it's a deal breaker for Jason and I want to have kids too, but it's like...when? Seriously. I mean, all of the stuff I want to do can't be done while toting a toddler along with you, and if I wait too long then it becomes one of those "Well, I'll be 70 when the kid graduates high school" situations and I'd like to be alive to see my grandkids. Blah. And I live with my mother-in-law which makes me feel like I'm a huge loser on a daily basis, because I hate having to live there. I feel like a freeloader, and I really really hate that. Plus, I've never lived one day alone with Jason since we got married. It's going on 5 years of living with someone else, and I'm ready to have my own life and my own space. I just feel like I should have accomplished so much more by now, and that I'll have to give some things up to accomplish others, and I hate having to choose.

That's not to say I haven't done anything though, because I have. I mean, I got married in Disney World, which was amazing. I have been all up and down the East Coast and seen most of the historical sites there, I've been swimming in the Atlantic Ocean, and the Gulf of Mexico. I've been swimming with a Dolphin! I've finished a degree without help from anyone. I've worked in several jobs and always gotten promoted. I just haven't done any of those big things that I really wanted to do. And, maybe I will some day. I think it's just that I always find myself wanting more, and being stopped by the limitations of time and money. Does anyone ever stop wanting more? Does anyone ever reach the point in their life where they look around and go "This is enough, this is exactly where I want to be"? Or is it just me who thinks about stuff like this?

Blah.

Sometimes I just think I need a little bit of change. Maybe that's why I want to paint my house all the time....

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Start at Home....

So, after mentioning in my last blog that I want to paint our hideous kitchen cabinets, it got me thinking about all the other stuff Jason and I have done in the house that has made it look less yucky. Just a quick reminder, we don't own this house. Nope. Don't even want to buy it either, but I'm a firm believer that when you REALLY hate looking at the space you live in, it makes you never want to be there, so we decided to do some updates and make it a bit less bare and unattractive. Now, I've decided I'd share some photos of the work we've done, because I'm bored and I feel like it. So, here we go:

Upstairs Bathroom
I don't have a before shot of our full bath, but it was gross. The old metal tub leaked and rotted the subflooring in the room, which peeled up the dingy linoleum, so we had originally just planned to tile and replace the tub, but the tub was an insert with a surround and the decision was made to get a big jetted tub, so that meant doing the tub surround, and when we pulled down the paneling in the room (yes, ugly floral paneling) it ripped out chunks of drywall so we ended up taking the room down to the studs and starting from scratch. We also replaced the vanity and sink, because those were cheap builder grade particle board with oak veneer and I hated them. Here are the photos I took of the *nearly* finished product. Ignore the painters tape.




Kitchen:
Our kitchen was previously beige, just like the rest of the house. No joke, the whole house was beige and I couldn't stand it. Also, it had pig wallpaper. I hated it. Jason thought the pigs were funny, I thought they were country and gross. So, I decided it needed to become a no pig zone.

Before:



After:


Oh, and if you're looking at the floor in the above picture, you'll notice it's dark brown linoleum. Gross. It was also covered in cigarette burns, so we decided to lay down some laminte wood flooring like so:
The refrigerator and dishwasher also got replaced, though that was out of necessity, not for asthetics.
Living Room
Our living room is TINY, and since the house is a bi-level it's got this awful railing going across one side of it. It was really boring and blank so we decided to change it up.
Before:


Mid-point:

Again, ignore the painters tape. Also, if you notice in the above pictures, the blue carries through into our kitchen on one wall. That's because there's no good way to break it up.

After:
This is after we bought some new furniture, and a new rug that I LOVE and scored for $99 when it was supposed to be $299 because of a price sticker error at the store. EXCELLENT! Also, you can't see the railing in this picture, but it's new and black like the furniture.

Hallway:
Our upstairs hallway was pretty blah and had a practically unuseable closet at the top of the stairs. You can see it on the right in the "before" picture. It's got huge mirrored doors on it, but it was too shallow to really put much into and still get the doors shut, and the shelves were too close together, so it wasn't good for much other than hiding junk when company comes over, and I hate wasted space. Also, we painted it the most fabulous yellow in the history of ever. It's called "Honeypot" and is from the Waverly Home Classics collection at Lowes. I love it!
Before:

After:


We bought 3 Ikea book cases because the closet was a vast hole of wasted space, and we were in desperate need of book storage space, so we took the 3 pre-fabbed book cases and pushed them into the closet space to create a built in bookcase look. We affectionetly call it our "crammed in" because we literally had to cram the smallest bookcase into the space, but I think it ended up looking pretty awesome, plus it's functional. Although, as you can see, it's already full, and I've got 3 more boxes of books with no home. *sigh*
So yeah, that's what we've done so far, and we'll never see any real payoff from it except that it's more pleasant to look whenever we're home, and we enjoy that.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Things I Want to Do This Summer

Since I’m used to being busy constantly, I have a slight amount of fear that I’ll be horribly bored when I am out of school for a little more than a week. Don’t get me wrong, I really need the time off, but I’m also going to need things to do to keep myself from just being lazy, and I go stir crazy when I don’t have much to do for a lot of the time. So, here’s my personal to-do list:

Finish reading books I’ve started

I started reading this one a couple of weeks ago and started getting really sucked in, so I had to put it down and walk away or else I wouldn’t get any homework done, and that’s not good.

I started reading this one on vacation and then never got to finish it because I was busy going out and doing things every day that we were on vacation, and then I got home and started school immediately, so I need to finish it.

Read The Books on my Book List
I have SO MANY books on my list of things I want to read, so I figure I should probably knock some of those out while I can.

This is one that was given to me at work as a “you must read this” young adult novel. Come to think of it, a lot of the stuff on this list is young adult literature, because I never read any as a young adult and I’m told I should know the stuff my students like reading.


I’m hoping to finish this whole series, because I’ve heard really good things about them, and they’re quick reads, so hopefully they’ll just be silly and fun.


I don’t read a lot of graphic novels, but the buying team for this one told me I HAD to read it because it was freaking amazing. They also said I’d hate them later because there are 11 volumes to it. Way to suck me in guys!

I haven’t read a Rushdie novel in a while, and I’ve heard great things about this one, so I’d like to break up the onslaught of teen angst with this one.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this book lately for some reason, so I think I might need to read it again

Paint the Kitchen Cabinets



This is an old picture of our kitchen from right after we painted it green (a color I’m told should NEVER be in a kitchen, but I don’t care because I like it) but if you will notice, those cabinets are ugly. The house isn’t even mine, but I have to think that eventually when Jason’s mom wants to sell it, people are going to look at those cabinets and go “Yeah…those are hideous”. You can’t see it in the picture, but the finish is wearing off of them, and they are actually more orange in color than they look in the picture. They matched the railing that used to be in the living room and on the banister, but we switched that out for a really nice black finish instead, so I think we need to change the cabinets. I want to paint them white, because in my head white means clean and bright, and well…..that kitchen is anything but bright and the cabinets make it look anything but clean. Seriously, the room grosses me out, so if dropping $40 on a few cans of paint is what it takes to give myself some peace of mind and make it so that I don’t HATE walking in there, so be it. Now, if only we could do something about the cracking and hideous laminate countertop…

Go to the Harry Potter Exhibit in Chicago



Chicago’s museum of Science and Industry is hosting an exhibit of Harry Potter movie props, costumes, and set pieces which is open until November. MUST GO!

So that’s about it, so far. I’m sure I’ll add things to the list, but that looks like a decent amount for the time being. Wish me luck on accomplishing all of it!