State of the Union Running Commentary

While watching the State of the Union address I decided to write down everything Jason and I said out loud to the TV. For your enjoyment.

-Yay! It's not just superbowl winners, it's science fair winners!

-Yeah, become teachers. But first why don't you make some fucking teaching jobs?!

-Oh Boehner isn't clapping at that. He's just sitting there all orange and cranky.

-Everyone not clapping here must get money from insurance companies for their campaigns.

-Government is going to make sacrifices? I hope it's not a cow. That'll piss PETA off.

-Freeze spending? Shouldn't Boehner be peeing his pants over this?!

-The backs of our most vulnerable citizens? Isn't that like....everyone now?

-That plane analogy was kind of a fail. Without an engine you wouldn't feel impact because you wouldn't get off the ground.

-He wants to cut defense spending? The republicans aren't going to like that!

-Yes, let's make rich people pay more. It's not like they don't have it.

-Nice dig at privatization of social security. We all saw how well our 401Ks did after the market crashed....

-Boehner seemed surprised by that one.

-A competent government? What does that look like?

-Does anyone else think Biden look like he's not entirely sure of what's going on? Did anyone tell him it's the State of the Union tonight?

-Whoa, what was that John Boehner? What was with the shifty-eye shifty-eye?

-It's nice to see John McCain happy. Not really. Someone get Palin in here to be a buzzkill.

-They're talking about Iraq. Quick! Someone cut to a soldier from Afghanistan!

-Wow, lots people not standing on the Muslims being part of our American Family. They are probably sitting there like "Fuck those arabs and their turbans". Racists.

-Carl Levin looks like The Penguin from Batman comics.

-Hillary Clinton looks awful! Oh HD, how unkind you are to so many politicians.

-We've strengthened Asian alliances because we're all scared shitless of China. We saw those opening games at the Olympics.

-Yes, everyone has to stand and clap for the troops or they're unAmerican.

-Very stoic there generals.

-No one wants to be from Scranton.

-There he goes! He's gonna cry!

-Plan B, but don't worry republicans, it's not the birth control pill so get your panties out of a twist.

-Fuck he's a good speaker!

-At least no one booed.

A Moment of Silence for the Death of the Book

I think the question I want to start off with here is this: DOESN'T ANYONE READ ANYMORE? I mean really, doesn't anyone ever just go out to pick up a book for the pure joy and anticipation of a good story? I ask this knowing that yes, people do read, and people out there still love a good story, but as I stand on the precipice of the traditional bookstore taking a nose dive, I find myself wondering if it's because of technology or if it's because people don't read. This question has been nagging at me for weeks, but last night it kind of boiled over in my rage pot (which is located behind my mouth, apparently) when I attended a school board meeting for our local school district. Jason did a big post about their attempt to integrate technology into the classroom, so you should hop over there and read what he had to say, but what struck me was the teacher statement in the presentation about how you can't expect a student to learn without technology. The comment was somewhere along the lines of "The kids are so tied to technology that you can't expect them to learn without it. You can't just hand them a book and expect them to get research out of it." My question here is: WHY THE HELL NOT?! Why can't we use books in addition to technology?

I've had this complaint for years, actually. I can't stand the fact that when I ask a student to research a subject for a report or a paper, I get a collection of Wikipedia pages in the works cited section. Really? That's the best you can do is Wikipedia? But the fact is, that's all they know. And isn't that a failure on us as teachers? I've heard from many teachers that if they tell the students that their research can't include any citations from Wikipedia, the classroom nearly breaks out into a riot. Heaven forbid they require one book source for research. I had that problem in my student teaching. We required the students to research their five paragraph essays and one of their three sources had to be a book. The most frightening thing for me was that they had no idea how to find a book with research information in it. Thank goodness for a really astute librarian. But honestly, even if books go digital, it seems as if people don't understand how to use them anymore. Everything is on the internet, but there is a real lack of understanding that the internet does not have an editor.

Perhaps what is the most difficult for me to understand is why people see technology as a replacement to legitimate written research. I mean, a book is a book, regardless of whether you are opening it from a libary or reading it on your iPad or Kindle. It's still an edited source of literature and information. So why do we think we can just replace that with a Podcast or something? Why do teachers think that the solution to their kids not paying attention in the classroom is to hand them an iPad. Sure, they'll be paying attention but it won't be to you. They'll be playing Angry Birds with the sound turned off. It is not a fix-all to the education system. I am not opposed to technology in the classroom. In fact, I love it. I think that when used properly it can enhance lessons and make them both interactive and interesting. If nothing else, PowerPoint presentations allow for constant visual aids which helps the visual learner. Videos, podcasts, and interactive learning quest programs are all amazing, and they can really enhance a traditional lesson. That's the key word, enhance. They don't replace good lesson writing and they don't automatically make your lesson great. You still have to have the proper source material to provide the information, regardless of how it is delivered. You don't get to just say "Oh, I put this on an iPad, now it's perfect". It still takes working at what you're doing.

And it still requires you to know what the hell you're talking about. I took a class in college where my History professor stood up in front of us on our first day of class and said "How many of you hated history in High School?". Most of the hands in the room went up. He then asked "How many of you had History taught by your football coach?" and nearly as many hands went up. He went on to tell us that history is uninteresting and boring when it comes from people who are just reading off names and dates, but that the subject was usually given to the Football coach because it was easy to read off names and dates. He said history is a living and breathing experience and unless you give it context, none of the names and dates matter. He couldn't have been more right. And I feel that way about this whole book issue. The internet, or any piece of technology, is just a series of binary code with information that may or may not be accurate. Until you breathe some life into the source material and give it some context, it means nothing. Books weave a story. The internet bullet points facts. And now, that's all our students are able to do.

For most of the high school students I know, reading is a huge chore when they have to "like...go through all of those words and figure out which parts are importantan and stuff". Websites are easy. They break everything down in a series of bullets. No thinking required. But I don't think the kids started out that way. I defy anyone to find me a person who can't name at least one story they loved from their childhood. In a failing book industry, Children's Books and Young Adult Books are the only areas consistently growing and outselling themselves year after year. So I don't believe that kids don't want to read. I think that somewhere along the way it just stops being an expectation because "they're so plugged into technology anyway..." and suddenly it becomes less interesting. Maybe the test scores went down not because we took laptops off of everyone's desks, but because we took books out of their hands.

But hey, what do I know. I just teach English. I just sell books. For now.

Zombie Free Zone

When I say I felt like a zombie last week, I'm really not kidding. Only instead of walking around craving brains, I was walking around wishing I could breathe through my nose. I haven't been sick in two years, and apparently all of those cold viruses decided to pay me back for my years of neglect. I even called in sick to work. I never call in sick to work. It was bad. But, at this point I appear to be at the tail end of these germs taking over my immune system. White blood cells are prevailing! I picture it a lot like the battle in Star Wars where the rebels blow up the death star, only inside my body, and hopefully with fewer lasers being shot around because I'd imagine that might hurt me a bit. But still, I'm pretty sure it's exactly like that fight. In my mind.

The good news is, no one has missed much in my blogging absence because nothing has happened. Awesome. Well, nothing happened until this weekend, when Norbert the evil cat got sick and had to be taken to the vet. Stupid cats and their stupid genetic predisposition to bladder stones. Stupid stupidness. Now she's on a canned food only diet, which I'm pretty sure she believes is due to her hitting some sort of lotto jackpot. She's going to be pissed when she gets better and goes back to only getting canned food as a treat. But for now she's on canned food only and she is happy. And hopefully she gets better soon without the need of surgery or anything. I do not love the idea of surgery. That is WAY more expensive than we can afford for the time being. So I hope that the whole Star Wars thing is going on inside the cat too, where her prescription food is like the rebels blowing up the stupid stones in her stupid bladder. I'm going to start calling her food "Luke" from now on.

What Kind of People am I Attracting?!

The other day I was reading Jason's blog, because I'm a good wife and I read all of the things that my husband puts on his blog to show an interest in his life and keep the magic alive. Or I just like to read crap he posts. Either way. ANYWAY, I was reading Jason's blog and he had this post (like that shameless plug to get you to go read his blog?) about information that blogger tracks about your blog. We have this nifty little "Stats" tab where we can see different stats on blog traffic etc. After reading his post, I realized I've never really looked at my own stats tab, so I hopped over to my own page and decided to investigate. First of all, let me say that I'm a bit blown away that my page has had over 1,500 views from the US alone. there are another 300 or so scattered across various countries outside of the US with the UK being my #2 supporter. So hey, thanks Britain. I like you too. But my point here is, who the hell knew I was so freaking popular? I mean, I'm not getting comments and junk, I don't have a bunch of followers, but people have at least been clicking over to my site. Awesome.

And that brings me to ways people have managed to find my site. Not surprisingly, most of the people coming over here are referred by Facebook because I'm a shameless attention whore and post a link on Facebook every time I update my blog. So Facebook people, thanks for doing the clickety click. Most of the other people coming to the site were referred from Google.

This is where my story gets weird. I can see what keywords people have searched that have led them to my page. Most of the keywords were for photos of laundry, which makes sense since I used a bunch of them in this post. Apparently laundry photos are popular. So that's innocent enough. It wasn't until I got to the last set of keywords that I went "WHAT THE WHAT?!" and wondered what kind of people are coming to my blog. That last set of keywords...hit vagina. Seriously?! How the heck did the words "hit vagina" pop up my blog for someone in a google search? I have never done a post about vaginas, let alone hit vaginas, so I'm so confused. I went through the photos I've used in posts, and none of them look like a hit vagina. I don't think I've ever used that phrase in a post, so who is looking for hit vaginas and finding me? So weird.

Of course now, after I post this, I'm going to end up getting hits from TONS of searches for that keyword grouping because I've used it a million times, but at least now I feel like it's justified. And to all of you who made it over here by searching for "hit vagina", welcome. I hope you're not pervs.

In Loving Memory of AWESOME.

Why is it that all of the best stuff gets discontinued? Jell-o Gelatin Pops, MicroMagic Microwave fries, Apple Cinnamon Eggo Waffles, and the delicious confection you see over here to the left...the Philadelphia Cheesecake Bar. Oh how I miss you.

A few months ago, when I decided to make my first actual from scratch cheesecake, and I realized that it's a lot of work to make one that looks pretty (those bitches crack through the center like it's their job) I suddenly remembered my apartment dwelling days when we would buy these cheesecake snack bars. Then I suddenly wondered if they made those anymore and after a quick Google search discovered that they did not. Saddest face ever. I found recipes to make cheesecake bars, but I don't want that. I don't want to go through the work of making these little bars and then trying to keep them fresh in my fridge until I can manage to consume the entire thing. No. I want to go to the store, spend entirely too much money on a package of 6 little cheesecake snack bars that are individually wrapped for freshness, take them home and put them in my fridge until one night I come home from work and think "I want a sweet and delicious snack" and consume nearly the entire box because they were that good. That is what I want to do. But I can't do that anymore because the evil people at Philadelphia Cream Cheese decided that my delicious cheesecake bars should be discontinued. Bastards.

But, in my search I did find out that they make ready to eat pre-made cheesecake filling so maybe that'll have to do if I'm ever desperate.

Dammit! I Don't Eat Salad.

When I first started dating I never went through that awkward phase where you go to dinner with a guy and you want to impress him so you just order a salad so you look like you're health conscious and you don't want him to spend a lot of money for you. This is for several reasons.

1. I started dating when I was 16 and dates typically consisted of going out with a large group of friends.

2. I never let the guy pay. And by "guy" I mean Jason, because I decided to latch on to the first guy who showed me any attention and marry that sucker. But my point is, I never let him pay*. I was raised to take care of myself and pay my own way through life, and that meant that I firmly believed he had no business paying for my meals, and since I was paying I ordered whatever the hell I wanted.

3. I have the pallet of a 5 year old. Even if I did order the most expensive thing I wanted from the menu, it was typically the $9.99 chicken tenders and fries. Picky eaters may be a pain in the ass, but they're cheap.

So now that I've reached adulthood, I'm struck with this weird dilemma. When I was working for the psycho boss in the company from Hell, the team would often go out to lunch and she would put it onto her purchase card. We'll skip the rant on how I don't think taking the team out to lunch 2 or 3 times a week should be expensed to the company. So anyway, we'd go to lunch at one of the two places available to get lunch in Amish-ville Ohio and everyone would order a salad of some type. Well crap, I don't eat salad. I have a lot of reasons, but the most primary is that I just don't like it. Lettuce isn't very intersting, salad dressing grosses me out because there are texture issues there for me that I don't even want to get into but trust me, it makes me want to gag. I don't eat a ton of veggies, so most of those would go to waste anyway. So, bottom line, I don't like salad. But salad is cheap, which is why girls order it on dates. It's $5 for a pretty decent sized restaurant salad. But here I am, looking at the menu and thinking "I really just want chicken tenders..." and realizing that those chicken tenders are almost twice the price of the salads everyone else is ordering. Shit. Now I have the dilemma of being the person who takes advantage of someone else's generocity by ordering the most expensive thing out of everyone at the table. No one wants to be "that guy". I got through this at the company from Hell by telling myself that I was on travel funding from the company and my lunch would be expensed regardless of who paid, so I might as well order what I want.

Then yesterday two of our vendor reps took my co-worker and I out to lunch, which was SUPER generous of them and again, I love these guys, so it was nice to have the opportunity to sit around and have some interesting conversation for an afternoon. Especially for me, who never takes a lunch break at work. But we got there and everyone was ordering salads. Shit. I ended up ordering grilled chicken skewers, which were relatively inexpensive and adequately lunch portioned so that I wasn't left with a ton of food that I couldn't finish, which is also a dilemma because you don't want to order the more expensive thing and then waste 80% of it. And I almost always waste a ton of whatever I order because I don't eat much. So, I went with that, but it was still $3 more than what everyone else ordered. And I still sat there wondering if I was "that guy". I really don't want to be "that guy".

Hell, even at my cousin's wedding when we were told repeatedly to order literally whatever we wanted because in the words of her new husband "We have a minimum tab we're required to hit here people. Order up!" I still was seriously afraid of being "that guy". I ended up ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. And by "I", I mean I mentioned that it sounded like it would be good and my cousin's husband ordered for me and then looked at me and said "Hello! Minimum tab!" But still, I felt bad. Well, I sort of felt bad, since everyone else was ordering the same thing, or ordering pricy entrees and then adding lobster tails to them. So I guess the risk of me being "that guy" was lower. Plus the restaurant had my favorite wine, which I'd already gone through two glasses of, so my judgement might have been altered.

I think my point here is that I either need to learn to like salad, which I don't think is going to happen, or I just need to not let people buy me lunch anymore. I mean, I already have guilt from letting someone spend money on me in the first place, and then I have to worry about ordering anything other than a salad and it just becomes stressful. I am not accustomed to letting people buy me things, even if it is just lunch. Or maybe we just need to pick lunch places that don't serve salad. GENIUS!

*Disclaimer: My refusal to allow Jason to ever pay for my meals in no way reflects upon his chivalry as he constantly tried to pay for me on dates and I constantly refused to let him. In fact, the first time he ever paid for my dinner somewhere, he tricked me into it because I lost a bet. I'm just a stubborn cow. Well...not a cow, because cows eat grass, which is like salad and I don't eat salad. I'm a stubborn something else.

Kindness in Unexpected Places

I've never been a Scarlett O'Hara type, meaning that I don't walk around thinking "I've always depended on the kindness of strangers" because let's face it, I'm stubborn and pretty stinkin' self sufficient. It's the way I was raised, I can't help it. But, that doesn't mean I don't appreciate kindness when people offer it to me and I try to show them kindness in return. That does not, however, make me a kind person. Or at least I don't think it does. I want to think of myself as a kind person because no one really wants to sit around and think of themselves as an asshole. It's a bit of a downer. But, when I take a good hard look at myself I sort of wonder what I do for others that is just genuinely kind and for no other reason than to make them happy. It's not a ton. In fact, I sort of realized that sometimes I can be a bit of a selfish hose beast. I know right?! What a crazy thing to admit! And I always think "You know, if I had more money I would go to a restaurant for dinner and I would pick someone out while I was there and just pay their bill for them, but I don't have that kind of money". Except that kindness doesn't need to be attached to a dollar sign. And I try to do things for people that are nice just for the sake of being nice, but I'm not sure I do it often enough. I have always thought that the work I do with the drama department has been a pretty extravagant act of kindness, since it's all volunteer and I put a lot of work into it for kids who wouldn't necessarily have anyone else to help them out, but I haven't spent much time doing that work these days due to demands at work outweighing the volunteer work I enjoy doing. So maybe I need to find more ways to show kindness.

This all sort of came to my mind after I watched my 60+ year old neighbor shovel our sidewalk in front of our house for us. He's done it several times this winter, and he's never asked for any thanks or anything. In fact, up until this morning, we never even saw him doing it. We would just come home and there would be a freshly shoveled sidewalk in front of our house. How incredibly kind is that? I did see him doing it this morning while walking the dog and thanked him profusely (and as soon as I'm not germy I'm going to make a cookie plate for him and his wife) for being so nice and he responded that he should thank us for giving him the opportunity to get the exercise. Nicest ever!

I've also come to realize that nice acts aren't always actual actions. I had a conversation earlier this week with a co-worker about how sometimes support comes from the most unexpected places. You expect your family to offer up support, and your friends, but there are people out there who are just incredibly kind and supportive despite having no obligation to do so. I have worked with the owner of a publishing distributor for about 5 years now and over that time I've developed a friendship with him that I've come to really enjoy. When I mentioned that no one knows who will be here and who won't next week because we all know there are layoffs coming down the pipeline, he said something about being one of my biggest fans and always willing to offer references or any help he can. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it was kind of a big deal. It made me feel really great to know that someone I've worked with has such a high opinion of me, especially someone who actually doesn't work within my company. It was pretty awesome. And incredibly kind.

So I'm just thinking that maybe I need to figure out more ways to be kind to more people. I know it makes me feel great when others are kind to me, so I think it's time I paid that forward. Especially on days when I'm feeling like a selfish bitch.