Wednesday, November 12, 2008

We Do Not Butter People

So once again we're venturing into the realm of weird crap Becky thinks about. Today I got a coupon in my e-mail from Bath and Body Works for 20% off of any online purchase. Score for me, since their shower gels don't make me break out in hives like most shower gels do. But, I was looking at the ad attached for to the coupon, and there was a listing for this:

Can you read what that says? It says Body Butter. Am I the only person who thinks that sounds totally disgusting? To start with, at its very essence butter is basically just fat. So, you're saying "Hey, rub this fat onto your ass that you probably already think is fat". I don't think that's probably going to help the situation too much. I mean, I could be wrong, but I'm probably not. Plus, who wants the image of rubbing yourself down with butter? Unless they're in some sort of twisted porno, most people aren't going "Ooh, butter on my skin..." or anything. And, I realize it's not actually butter, it's a body cream moisturizer, but there HAD to be a better name for it.

An honestly, when I think of butter I think of cooking. So, you rub a turkey down with butter before you stick it in the oven (or at least I've seen this done, I do not cook or eat so I wouldn't know) so now all I think about is buttering a person for cooking. I'm suddenly very afraid that Paula Deen is going to jump out at me at the mere mention butter. I imagine it'd go something like this:

Hey ya'll. Today we're going to cook up something that everyone has. A friend! First we're going to rub them down with lots of butter and then we're going to give them just a touch of salt and pepper, not too much because you don't want to destroy that natural flavor ya'll, trust me on this one! Then, we're going to pop them into a 400 degree oven for about 4 to 6 hours, depending on the weight. I tell ya ya'll, you have never had anything quite like this.

So if anyone ever buys me Body Butter, I think I'm going to start having nightmares about Paula Deen.


Jason said...

HAHA! You know, Paula looks a bit hungry in that picture.

Though it reminds me of that episode of Seinfield where Kramer was using butter as a sun tan lotion... and then he fell asleep... and he fried... and I think Newman tried to eat him.

Anyhow... Two stick of butter Ya'll!

analeamaria said...

I don't even eat butter let alone rub myself down with it. Hah Oh Paula Deen, at least she doesn't limit herself to variations of mac n' cheese and hot dogs like Rachel Ray.

Anonymous said...

The only acceptable form of "body butter" is edible/flavored lotion used for foreplay. After that, no dice.

I will never understand giving food names to things one ought not to ingest. I guess we're a food-centered culture... So this is either an extension of the obesity rate or a causal factor...


Bobbie Leigh said...

If anyone comes over wearing Body Butter, I reserve the right to microwave them.

Sara said...

You crack me up! Your impression of Paula Deen was spot on, by the way. She butters everything. Gross. Thanks for the chuckle! :-)