Sunday, July 10, 2011

On Relationships

I've never been one of those people who talks a lot about how in luuuuurve I am, or about how Jason is the greatest "hubby" ever or anything like that. This is, primarily, because I feel like people who are always gushing about how in luuuurve they are or how they have the greatest spouse ever are either trying to prove to themselves that things really are that way, or they're trying to prove to others that they totally win at relationships. This might not necessarily be the case, but I generally feel that people who are actually in love and have good healthy relationships rarely ever have to talk about them. In general, I feel like if someone is happy in their relationship, it should be obvious and apparent without someone needing to tell people how incredibly happy they are.

I bring this up because I find myself reading a lot of Facebook statuses and blogs lately where people are talking about how AMAZING their relationships are, or how in luuuuurve they are, or how much they have struggled through to come out "stronger" on the other side and I find myself thinking "What makes you think you're different from any other couple on the planet?" I mean...think about it. Most "couple problems" are completely typical. Short of one of you having a horrible life threatening disease, or if you're dealing with serious infidelity and for some reason decide to remain together, there aren't a lot of problems that every other couple isn't also having. And I really hate the phrase "marriage is hard". No, ALL relationships are hard, but because marriage tends to be less disposable than other types of relationships, people think it's more difficult than any other relationship. Marriage does take work, just like any other relationship, but it doesn't have to be hard. If the person you married understands you, and cares about how you feel and what you want or need, then it's not nearly as hard as people think. I mean, I think back on all that Jason and I have "gone through", first living with my parents and sharing a room with my 2 sisters while he slept on the floor for a year, then living in our apartment with a roommate, then living in a cramped and cluttered house with his mom while we both worked full time and went to school full time, then moving into our own house with uncertain employment situations, going through various periods of one or both of us being unemployed, and I could say "Oh wow, we're so strong because we've been through so much without splitting up" but all I really think is "Well....that was life". It's not about going through stuff and coming out stronger for it, it's about just being strong in the first place and then the crappy stuff that happens doesn't matter. And, feeling like you have to go through things to make you stronger means that you can't be in a strong relationship without shitty things happening. If you can't be on the same page, or in the same place from the start, why be in the relationship at all? Why does anyone date/marry/befriend anyone who has to work really hard to be on the same page as they are? It makes no sense to me. Good relationships take work, but they feel easy. That doesn't mean that they don't have their bumps along the way, or are without conflict or argument, but the fixing process shouldn't feel like work. If it does, maybe it's the wrong connection to make.

So.....I guess what I think is that if I ever start talking excessively about how much I luuuuurve Jason, or how awesome he is, or how great and amazing and strong a relationship we have, that might be the time to start worrying the actual state of our relationship. For now, I think that being able to say "It just works" when people ask about the two of us. I don't need to give or receive mushy cards, or see Facebook statuses about how much Jason luuuurves me, or hear about how he can't live without me. We aren't that couple. I know he loves me, because he married me, and tells me at least once a day, and he puts up with all of my annoying BS. That means so much more than constant public affirmation. I find it so strange that other people feel the need for all the rest of that nonsense.

1 comment:

Jason said...

My comment comes to you in seven parts... like VOLDEMORT'S SOUL!


Second: It is unnecessary for me to tell people how awesome I am, because, it's quite obvious how awesome I am. I mean, just look at me. I am MADE of awesome.

Third: Relationships really aren't that hard. Don't be an ass, pay attention, do the right thing, don't piss the bed. That's about all it takes. If everything is so hard for whomever it is that you're reading about, then perhaps they're going the wrong way.

My life motto is that if you find yourself in a situation where it seems like you're hitting every possible obstacle, then perhaps something is trying to tell you that you're going the wrong way.

Or, more simply:

"Be like water, go with the flow and take the path of least resistance"

Ok, that last part isn't quite what I'm saying, because I'm also always going on about doing what's right or what's easy, and of course I always say do what is right...

Never mind, my awesomeness can't be contradicted. Both are correct.

Four: Ignore half of 3, and pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Five:Define "work". If you're "working" at everything, then that seems fishy. Life isn't that hard for AMERICANS! Get some perspective. I'm sure people starving really care that you're pissed because your partner doesn't do the dishes. They eat on... oh wait, nothing, because they're starving to death.

Six: Perhaps it's just the internet age of everyone has to bitch about everything. Stay calm and carry on. The only whine I like comes in bottles and is either red or white and probably from France.

Seven: In the end, people need to just kind of step back an realize most of what the bitch about is BS. I'm no exception, but in the end I say "In 100 years, will this really matter to me? Or if I'm not here, will it matter to anyone else? Generally the answer to that is no, so I should stop being a stupid git about it, and just do what I gotta go.

Surprise PART 8 (THE SECRET HORCRUX!) Yeah, that was rambling, but whatever. It's my comment and I'll do what I want with it!