This is going to be a little more rant-y than my usual blogs are, but this has been bugging me for a while. I really hate it when people who make really bad decisions in life later lament that they can't get a break. 90% of the time, the reason things are in the crapper is because of the initial bad decisions the people made, and then they continue to make bad decisions and don't do anything to help themselves get out of the situation they're in. That drives me nuts.
Like, if you are married to or dating a guy who is, essentially, a loser then I think you shouldn't expect that to change too much. But, you make the concious decision to marry or date the guy, and you do not make the decision to leave him when he continues to prove his loserness well....that's all your fault. That's your bad decision making. If you don't put your foot down or leave when something bad happens due to his loser status, then you are choosing to stay in the bad situation and should live with the choice you've made. If that means life is in the crapper well....you chose the crapper. If homeboy won't get a job/go to work/participate in your life/be a caring partner/appreciate you/respect you etc. then chances are that's not going to change and you should move on.
Or, if you have a ton of debt and can't afford things like groceries, but go out and buy a computer or a new car or something, then you're just perpetuating your own situation so that you continue to live in the crapper. If people aren't willing to help themselves by practicing some restraint or by making some sacrifices, then why should they expect sympathy from others? Better yet, why should they expect anyone else to bail them out? I don't get that.
If you work at a job that is dead end, but never make any effort to even apply to another job, then why should I feel bad for you? You're CHOOSING to stay. You can complain about it, you can hate it, you can think you're cut out for more, but unless you actually go out and seek the "more" part of that equasion then I can't feel bad for you. Sure, people will say "Oh I'm trapped" when most of the time they're not trapped at all. They're just afraid to leave. I think that if you're in a crappy situation and do nothing to try to change it, then I can't feel too terrible for you.
Another one that bugs me is that people have kids, which I think is great, but they have kids when they can't afford to take care of those kids. I'm not talking about a "the condom broke and here's our little surprise" situation, I'm talking about the concious decision to actively try to get pregnant when you can't afford a child. I know what a lot of people would say, "You're never going to think you can afford a child" but that's missing my point. You should be able to, without seriously straining your bank account, provide food, shelter and clothing for this being you're bringing into the world. That's the bare minimum you should be able to do. Beyond that you should have some consideration for the future of the child and plan for things like college or paying for extracurricular activities etc. So, I can't understand why some people have kids when they can't provide any of those things easily. Then, when they have one kid who they can't easily provide that for, they actively work to have another one. I dunno. It just seems like bringing someone into life at a serious disadvantage simply because you think your job is to be a mommy and one kid isn't enough for you makes my head spin. At what point do you stop and think "I'm not able to provide for the kid I have now, should I really be trying to have another?" I think some people never ask that question. I think at that point, it becomes more about the selfishness of the parent than what's good for the child. But what grinds my gears is that people do this and then complain that they aren't able to take care of bills or life or whatever and I want to be like "NO KIDDING!" because they couldn't before, why would they think they can now? I don't get it! And then, because of these bad decisions, I'm supposed to feel some sort of sympathy? I didn't tell you to make the bad choice!
Now, this probably comes off harsher than I mean it, and I'm not saying that I am opposed to feeling sympathetic or helping out where it's needed. I do help out when I can with people who need it. I do feel sympathy for people who have hit hard times. I know how rough life can be, and I've hit hard times myself and appreciated those who were there for me. My problem comes with people who hit these hard times because of poor choices that are made consistently. It's not like when a person gets laid off, or a spouse is injured and no longer able to work or something like that. Those situations are unfortunate and beyond anyone's control. It's the situations like the ones I listed above that make me insane. I am all for helping people, but there's only so much help you can give a person who is not willing to help themselves even a little.