Tuesday, January 25, 2011

State of the Union Running Commentary

While watching the State of the Union address I decided to write down everything Jason and I said out loud to the TV. For your enjoyment.

-Yay! It's not just superbowl winners, it's science fair winners!
-Yeah, become teachers. But first why don't you make some fucking teaching jobs?!
-Oh Boehner isn't clapping at that. He's just sitting there all orange and cranky.
-Everyone not clapping here must get money from insurance companies for their campaigns.
-Government is going to make sacrifices? I hope it's not a cow. That'll piss PETA off.
-Freeze spending? Shouldn't Boehner be peeing his pants over this?!
-The backs of our most vulnerable citizens? Isn't that like....everyone now?
-That plane analogy was kind of a fail. Without an engine you wouldn't feel impact because you wouldn't get off the ground.
-He wants to cut defense spending? The republicans aren't going to like that!
-Yes, let's make rich people pay more. It's not like they don't have it.
-Nice dig at privatization of social security. We all saw how well our 401Ks did after the market crashed....
-Boehner seemed surprised by that one.
-A competent government? What does that look like?
-Does anyone else think Biden look like he's not entirely sure of what's going on? Did anyone tell him it's the State of the Union tonight?
-Whoa, what was that John Boehner? What was with the shifty-eye shifty-eye?
-It's nice to see John McCain happy. Not really. Someone get Palin in here to be a buzzkill.
-They're talking about Iraq. Quick! Someone cut to a soldier from Afghanistan!
-Wow, lots people not standing on the Muslims being part of our American Family. They are probably sitting there like "Fuck those arabs and their turbans". Racists.
-Carl Levin looks like The Penguin from Batman comics.
-Hillary Clinton looks awful! Oh HD, how unkind you are to so many politicians.
-We've strengthened Asian alliances because we're all scared shitless of China. We saw those opening games at the Olympics.
-Yes, everyone has to stand and clap for the troops or they're unAmerican.
-Very stoic there generals.
-No one wants to be from Scranton.
-There he goes! He's gonna cry!
-Plan B, but don't worry republicans, it's not the birth control pill so get your panties out of a twist.
-Fuck he's a good speaker!
-At least no one booed.

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