Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Dear Liam Neeson...

Why do you keep dying in your movies?  I noticed this a while back, and Jason and I have discussed it a couple of times, but it came up again tonight in conversation with someone other than the two of us.  So my question is, what gives?  Is this some sort of ploy to get as much money as possible for doing as little work as possible?  If it is, I'm all for it!  I mean, you get paid equity scale rate for the film as a whole, not the number of scenes you perform in the film or how many lines you have, so if you're taking these death roles as a way to make a bunch of money for doing nothing, kudos to you my friend!  Here's my running tally of what you've done in your more popular movies for the past 10 or so years.

1. Les Miserables - Died, but not until the last scene.

2. Star Wars - Died, but again, near the end, so apparently your strategy wasn't well formulated yet.

3. Gangs of New York - Checked out in the opening scene.  Wise my friend, very wise.

4. Love Actually - Did not die, but your fictitious wife did, but we'll give you a pass on this one because I love that movie and the little kid following you around in it was friggin' adorable.

5. Kingdom of Heaven - Died about 1/4 of the way through.  Still collected a paycheck.

6. Star Wars III - Were dead the entire movie but made a ghostly uncredited cameo at the end.  Way to get money for not working at all.  Epic win for you.

7. Batman Begins - Should have died at the beginning, but that was just a fake out.  You died at the end instead.

8. Chronicles of Narnia - Died 3/4 of the way through but came back to life.  LAME!  You are not Jesus, Liam Neeson, although I'm not convinced that Jesus came back from the dead either.  Either way, you gain zombie status and I hear the dudes from Sean of the Dead are after your ass.

9. Chronicles of Narnia again - Did not die, let other people die.  Probably so you could eat their brains.  Zombie.

And what is in store for you next Mr. Neeson?  Oh, you're playing Abraham Lincoln in a biopic about the 16th president.  I don't want to spoil the ending but're gonna die.  So, my question is, are you a genius for always playing the guy who dies, or do you just have a secret death wish and this is your call for help?  Oh Liam Neeson, try living once in a while.  You might like it.


Bobby G said...

He didnt die in Schindlers list, infact he saved a boatload of lives!

Becky said...

Yeah, but that movie was made more than 10 years ago, before he had his death wish.

Bobby G said...


Bobbie Leigh said...

OMG he does die in all of his movies! I never noticed until now.

Anonymous said...

Schindler's List ends with them piling stones on his grave. He also dies in Michael Collins, Rob Roy, and Kingdom of Heaven