Thursday, July 10, 2008

What They Really Mean

I saw a trailer for the movie that was based on this book when I went to see Get Smart a couple of weeks ago. After that I watched a Gilmore Girls episode where Michel put copies of the book all over the Dragonfly Inn. Then my friend Emily mentioned it. A year or so ago I was ordering this book like mad. So, I started wondering what all of the hype was about. My friend Emily explained the basis of the book, which I haven't really read because I'm married and don't run into dating problems, which is what this book primarily addresses. After Em went over the premise, I kind of think I might need to read it. She was saying that some guy was tired of listening to all of his female friends wonder why guys weren't responsive when they first started dating, or why they wouldn't commit after dating for a long time etc. So finally, this guy (the author of the book) let them in on the secret that these guys just weren't that into them. Doesn't seem like it should be a huge revelation, but I guess it was.
But, it sounds like some of the advice in this book should be universally applicable to all relationships. Emily was talking about how one of the things this guy says is that "I'm busy" is never a good excuse. If someone is "into" you, then they make the time, or make the effort to get in touch. He said "It takes 5 minutes to write an e-mail, and a phone call just to say that you're busy but you're thinking about someone takes maybe 5 minutes too, so who is so busy that they can't spare 5 minutes?" Good point right? I was thinking about that when I started thinking about other kinds of relationships. Like a sister who may say they're too busy to call you, or even a friend who does that. I think that we, all too often, drop back on the "I'm so busy" excuse because it's easy, but I wonder if anyone ever thinks that the other person considers it a cop out. I think that this guy is right. If you want to keep up with someone, you do, because you make that time and effort. So, when that effort isn't made, or that connection isn't kept up, isn't it basically saying "I'm just not that into you"?
Like I said, I haven't read the book, but I might. I think that there's a lot of advice that is given to people in romantic relationships that could really help all of their relationships. Whenever you hear marriage counselors talk, they always say that "communication is key to keeping up a marriage". But, isn't communication also key to keeping up a friendship, or a family relationship? I really think it is. I don't think you can stay close to someone if you have no idea what's going on in their life, or if you don't maintain some sort of constant line of communication.
So, I don't think I have been guilty of this whole "I'm too busy" thing in the past, or at least I hope I haven't, but from now on I don't think I'm going to use "too busy" as an excuse for not keeping up with people. This guy is right, it does take 5 minutes to send an e-mail and that's not too much to ask of a friend. I might use the busy excuse for not getting back to someone right away, but not for just cutting everything off. Because when someone says they're too busy, what they're really saying is that they're not into you anymore.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Just so you know...

I'm busy.